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  • My Mormon Faith Crisis Story...
  • Amy Logan
  • exmormonfaith crisisldsmormonmormonismmy storythink for yourself
My Mormon Faith Crisis Story...

My Mormon Faith Crisis Story

Once upon a time...

I was born into a mormon family.

Mormonism was just the way of life.

All was well.

I was on the path, doing all that I was supposed to do.

Checking all the boxes.

I was living and loving it.

Shelving any and all issues that I wondered about.

Until one day those questions & doubts became too many.

I had to figure this puzzle out.

If the church was true, it would all be okay.

I finally gave myself permission to look into things.

I hungered and thirst after the truth.

The usual, "it will all work itself out" was no longer cutting it.

I read book after book after book.

I secretly joined forums and online groups.

I discovered a world of people who were wondering and searching too.

Just. Like. Me.

My shelf came crashing down.

All of it. Fast.

Now what?

I looked around at my life.

Most all of my friends and family are members.

Who do I talk to?

Who do I tell?

I just became one of those apostates you hear talked about at church.

But I am a good person.

I did nothing wrong.

I actually wanted to prove the church was true.

The realization is overwhelming.

I feel alone.

I feel different.

I wish I could take the blue pill and just go back to how it was.

Maybe ignorance is bliss?

How am I going to tell my spouse?

How am I going to tell my mom?

How am I going to tell my kids?

How am I going to tell my best friend?

That I don't believe, any of it.

I poured myself (not so secretly) into online groups and forums full of people like me,

All searching.

All trying to make this all make sense.

I get angry.

I feel betrayed.

I made ALL of my life decisions around the one true church.

I free fall for a bit.

I try to keep it it, until I can't.

I start thinking for myself.

Truly for the fist time in my life I see there are a million different ways to live life, not just one TRUE way.

I get the courage to say something.

My family and friends tell me I am wrong and that I will be back.

They don't believe me.

I feel marginalized.

I feel sad and depressed.

But, I know no matter the outcome I have to keep walking this path.

No matter what.

I may lose relationships.

I learn some relationships were conditional.

Some people walk away.

I walk away.

I know that I am finding a new way to be.

It is hard.

But I am strong.

I keep going.

I am finding my new voice.

I feel a freedom I have never felt before.

I find an inner strength I didn't know I had.

I create new friendships.

I find a way to make my new life work.

Come what may.

I've stepped into the new me and I am thankful, truly grateful for my faith crisis.

My new voice is emerging and I feel good in my own skin.

I feel like I am going to be okay better than okay.

Life is good, even if it is messy.

Amy

*not to be reproduced or used without permission by me.

  • Amy Logan
  • exmormonfaith crisisldsmormonmormonismmy storythink for yourself

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