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My Mormon Faith Crisis Story...

My Mormon Faith Crisis Story

Once upon a time...

I was born into a mormon family.

Mormonism was just the way of life.

All was well.

I was on the path, doing all that I was supposed to do.

Checking all the boxes.

I was living and loving it.

Shelving any and all issues that I wondered about.

Until one day those questions & doubts became too many.

I had to figure this puzzle out.

If the church was true, it would all be okay.

I finally gave myself permission to look into things.

I hungered and thirst after the truth.

The usual, "it will all work itself out" was no longer cutting it.

I read book after book after book.

I secretly joined forums and online groups.

I discovered a world of people who were wondering and searching too.

Just. Like. Me.

My shelf came crashing down.

All of it. Fast.

Now what?

I looked around at my life.

Most all of my friends and family are members.

Who do I talk to?

Who do I tell?

I just became one of those apostates you hear talked about at church.

But I am a good person.

I did nothing wrong.

I actually wanted to prove the church was true.

The realization is overwhelming.

I feel alone.

I feel different.

I wish I could take the blue pill and just go back to how it was.

Maybe ignorance is bliss?

How am I going to tell my spouse?

How am I going to tell my mom?

How am I going to tell my kids?

How am I going to tell my best friend?

That I don't believe, any of it.

I poured myself (not so secretly) into online groups and forums full of people like me,

All searching.

All trying to make this all make sense.

I get angry.

I feel betrayed.

I made ALL of my life decisions around the one true church.

I free fall for a bit.

I try to keep it it, until I can't.

I start thinking for myself.

Truly for the fist time in my life I see there are a million different ways to live life, not just one TRUE way.

I get the courage to say something.

My family and friends tell me I am wrong and that I will be back.

They don't believe me.

I feel marginalized.

I feel sad and depressed.

But, I know no matter the outcome I have to keep walking this path.

No matter what.

I may lose relationships.

I learn some relationships were conditional.

Some people walk away.

I walk away.

I know that I am finding a new way to be.

It is hard.

But I am strong.

I keep going.

I am finding my new voice.

I feel a freedom I have never felt before.

I find an inner strength I didn't know I had.

I create new friendships.

I find a way to make my new life work.

Come what may.

I've stepped into the new me and I am thankful, truly grateful for my faith crisis.

My new voice is emerging and I feel good in my own skin.

I feel like I am going to be okay better than okay.

Life is good, even if it is messy.

Amy

*not to be reproduced or used without permission by me.

Anatomy of a Faith Crisis, My Mormon ExMormon Story

You may secretly being going through you own faith crisis, dealing with all things mormon, lds, exmormon. Yeah?

Well then, this one is for you.

I hope you hear your story in my story.

I hope you know you are not alone.

I hope you how this experience you are going through is hard, but you are strong.

I hope you know that you will rise.

I hope you know that your life will be better because of what you are going through.

I hope you know that you are loved.

It would mean the world to me if you could watch this short film, click the like button, click the subscribe button and leave a comment, on my YouTube channel.

I know this is a big ask in today's social media fast past world, but I could use your help with this one.

By doing these simple things it helps my film be seen by more people. 

It has always been my goal to help others not feel so alone during their faith crisis. I know this will help.

Thank you. So. Very. Much.

With no further ado, I present...

Anatomy of a Faith Crisis. 
a story by Amy Logan and a film by James Rhodimer.

Amy xoxo

My Faith Crisis & My Why

You Are Amazing! Soar My Dear.

 

Post Mormon. Exmormon. Ex religious. Life After Religion. Faith Crisis. Yes? I get it.

When I was hit upside the head with own personal faith crisis, I felt so alone.

I didn't know who I could talk to about my doubts. I was scared.

I started with my bishop and he told me that the doubts I was having were from satan. I left his office feeling even more boggled than when I walked in.

Satan? Really? Ugg. 

Yeah, this was not going to end well.

At this point, it was probably 2003/4 and I hadn't even started my deep dive into mormon history at this point, I just had "doubts."

2006 is when I jumped off the high dive, ALL IN.

There was no CES Letter at the time. I just started reading everything and anything I could get my hands on. I was on a mission to learn all I could about the church. I mean, it was true and so nothing that I read could really prove otherwise.

LOLOLOLOL (insert the BIGGEST eye roll here)

Yeah, you know what I mean.

I remember feeling more alone than I ever had before. I felt like an alien in my own home, my church, family, extended family, and with my friends.

I felt like people dismissed me, brushed off my thoughts and feelings and didn't take me as seriously. I felt marginalized when I did bring up what I was discovering and I would be told to pray harder, obey more, just have faith, and all these questions would be answered in the next life. yada yada yada.

No, that was NOT going to cut it.

I wanted to be taken seriously. I was being serious and my questions could not be answered.

No, I didn't want to go sin and drink and have sex and be wild. I was perfecting fine keeping all the commandments, covenants, life choices I made, all that I had been taught, if it was true. I was on a truth hunting mission. I wanted to know if the church was true. I was way beyond needing to read my scriptures more, pray more, have more faith. I had done that for 36 years.

Does this all sound familiar?

The whole reason I do what I do is that you know you are not alone.

I have walked this road, I felt all the pain. I know it is real and I will never marginalize you, make you feel crazy or dismiss anything you are feeling as you walk this path.

You are opening a door to the unknown and walking through it EVEN THO you are scared as hell.

You are not alone.

You are not crazy.

You ARE smart.

You ARE brave.

You ARE beyond amazing.

I am thankful our paths have crossed. When we meet, I know that we understand each other. 

I love when you ask if I am Soul Searching Girl (a reference to my early youtube videos.) We immediately understand each other. Our connection is real. We "get" each other.

I know you straight away and I love you.

Stand tall my dear. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are following your own intuition. You are trusting yourself. You are one of the bravest people I know.

Thank you for showing up in my life.

Together, we got this.

I can't wait to walk this journey with you. Guide you for a few steps along the way.

I am always here.

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Ready To Not Be So Triggered? Triggers & Your Faith Crisis

Triggers.

Seems like everyone is triggered these days. Yeah?

You will most likely get to a point, along your faith crisis journey, where you are tired of being triggered all the time.

This is where your faith crisis transitions over to whatever you want it to be, sans the crisis part.

I work with my clients on this very topic. It is common. Just like anything else in life, we have to find ways to move forward, so we are not feeling triggered all the time.

This is very freeing!

When you are ready, shoot me an email and we can work together.

amyloganlife@gmail.com

More soon!

Amy xo

Continued ~ Would You Change It? Your Faith Crisis?

Red Pill Blue Pill Faith Crisis

Yesterday I asked you a couple questions.

Is Ignorance bliss? Would you change your religious/spiritual faith crisis, awakening?

I imagine this stirs up a lot for you? So many emotions, thoughts and feelings have come up for you over the course of your paradigm shift.

What is your gut response? Yes. No. It is different for many.

Life has change, yes? We know this for sure.

I want you to really think about this. Would you change your paradigm shift? Meaning, would you go back to before?

I think of it like one of those visual images from the 90s. remember those? You would stare at the image and let your eyes focus until you could see the image within the image. For the most part, once you saw it, you could always see it. Hard to unsee it, right?

Learning what you have about the truthiness of the church, is hard to unsee.

Would go back if you could? Back to the ignorance is bliss question. Back to living your life oblivious to the actual truthfulness of the church.

Red pill, blue pill. {{{If you have not seen The Matrix, stop and watch. I will wait.}}}

I know this is all hypothetical. We can't go back. But what I want you to think about is, you get to decide how to look at what you have been through. Yes, there are stages to this process, but eventually, you get to decide how to be a person who has walked through this door of a faith transition.

How do you show up in the world now, with all that you do know? I bet you are more skeptical? More questioning, of just about everything? I know I am.

Do you let this be a part of you that gives you more perspective to life? Do you harbor resentment for the rest of your life? Can you possibly see the beauty in this process? Seeing the beauty may take a while for you to get to, but even that is possible.

I want you to write down all your thoughts about the church. The good. The bad. The ugly. Let it all flow out of you. Get it down on paper. Look at it. Feel it. Can you separate the thoughts from facts? See the thoughts you have created around the story of what a faith crisis is for you? Vs. What is true.

What do you make it all mean? Is ignorance really bliss? Having your eyes opened to reality, may be jarring at first, but would you want it any other way? 

Again, would you change this experience? If not, how do you choose to look at it?

You got this. 

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Is Ignorance Bliss?

Is Ignorance Bliss

By whatever means, you have arrived at your own, personal, custom created, faith crisis.

Boom. Explosions all around.

It is here. It is real. You can't deny it.

You know what you know now about the mormon church or the faith you were raised in. 

Would you change it? Would you go back to the time when you didn't see the emperor's new clothes?

More soon,

Amy

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Post Mormon Life & Filling the Void

Mormonism is a very high demand religion and after you leave the faith, you end up with a lot of time on your hands.

Yay!!!

But, it may feel kind of strange at first. You have been used to the mormon lifestyle which involves lots and lots of time circling around church life. That may have served you for a time, but now, not so much.

My best advice just enjoy it. You get to now, figure out the new you, without the church as your guide.

Be your own guide. Embrace that part of it.

This can be scary for some and exciting for others. How do you fall in those two camps? Excited and scared maybe?

Either way, it is your new reality. Jump in, arms wide open.

Here is to your new life and all the possibilities.

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Curiosity and Your Faith Crisis

 

To realize your true nature, you must wait for the right moment and the right conditions. When the time comes, you are awakened as if from a dream. You understand that what you have found is your own and doesn't come from anywhere outside. ~Buddhist Sutra

The right moment and the right conditions have aligned.

How do we know this?

Because you are staring your faith crisis square in the eyes. It is real and it is happening. Breath.

When I was in the early stages of my faith crisis ~ awakening, I remember asking why, a lot.

My name on the forum New Order Mormon was Wondering Why. New Order Mormon felt like a very safe place for me because everyone had an avatar and a name, like mine, and it was annoymous. I was so scared that people would find out I was asking questions and studying "anti mormon literature" that the NOM forum helped me feel not so scared. Back in 2006 I was talking with many of the well known post mormons, as some of them were using their real names. {{scary}} ;)

My point is that when this happens to you, you feel like you have just woken up from a dream, like the above quote mentions. It really does feel like that. Then, you have a million thoughts running through your head that try and make you feel guilt or shame about just wanting to find the truth. Those are two feelings that never help, ever never.

When you can sit with your new discoveries and realize that this is all happening in perfect time for you and you give yourself permission to follow your own path upon this journey, shift your thinking from thoughts about confusion, guilt, fear to thoughts of curiosity, this whole process will go so much better for you.

It is all in your head anyway, you get to choose the thoughts that will for sure come along for the ride.

Be curious. Stay in that frame of mind. 

What does curiosity feel like?

Easier. Not as heavy. Not a burden.

Ahhhh, doesn't that feel better.

Follow the curiosity and see where it goes.

Amy

This WILL Happen During Your Faith Crisis. Good New & Bad News, maybe?

Faith Crisis Confusion

This will FOR SURE happen during/after your faith crisis. The quicker you can accept this, the smoother things will go for you.

The only tricky part, it is tricky. It does not have to be tho.

You will be confused. (but you know that already)

People will judge. Friends and family will be sad/mad. People will be passive aggressive towards you. People will pull away from you. Friends and family will be confused and not know what to do. 

Bad news, some of your fears will most likely happen.

Good news, some fears will not happen.

Now that you know. You can move forward anyway.

Say what??? Sounds easier said than done?

BUT, you will be okay and guess what?

You will have judgments of others too. You will pull away from some friends. You will be passive aggressive. You will be sad. You will be mad. You will be confused. You will not know what to do.

This all takes time, but time, you have. 

We often stick in the muck longer than we need to because we are fighting against what is (reality) and how we want it to be.

The suffering is in the in between.

Suffering is optional my dear. {{{yes, it is}}}

More soon,

Amy

The Gift of Travel and a Faith Crisis

Travel. It may bust your faith crisis wide open!

But, don't worry. That is a good thing.

I feel it is so important to get out and see the world. See things different than you have experienced. See different people. Taste different foods. See art that is new. Listen to music that you are not used to. Breath in the air from the other side of the world.

Now, you can actually do this without traveling too far away from where you live, but getting out and away is what I always recommend.

Exploring all that I mentioned above opens your eyes, your world view.

It gets you thinking outside of the world you have been raised in.

For me, that was really important.

I know you can do this and not have a faith crisis. But, if you have lived a sheltered life, it can open something up in you that you didn't know was wanting to come alive.

I talk more about it in this video I shot in NYC. Traveling, of course.

 Now, if you happen to have a full blow faith crisis while traveling or shortly there after, take a deep breath and know it will all be okay.

Your world just got bigger!

More later,

Amy xo

 

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